Gold_Wolf_Productions

[niah1988]

The other day I was looking up some general travel information (I'm going on a solo trip to Edinburgh in November so I have to prepare) when I came across this. Some of the quotes nearly killed me!

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David Letterman has his "Stupid Pet Tricks." Here's a different take: 25 "Stupid Traveler Comments" (along with the bemused agents' unspoken responses).

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1. How can I leave Baltimore at 8:30 a.m. and get to Chicago at 8:35 a.m. when the flight takes an hour? (The plane flies really, really fast.)

2. Do I need to carry on my carry-on bags or can I check them? (Why not check yourself and let the bags have the seat?)

3. When am I going to receive my paper copy of the electronic ticket? (Uhm, what part of the word "electronic" has escaped you?)

4. Well, how will they know who I am if all I have is my photo ID? (Uhm ... ma'am, you forget we have the TSA manning security now.)

5. How much is a train to Jamaica? (We are sold out, but if you call Amtrak, they have space. Be sure to ask for a seat on the left side of the train so you don't miss the Lost City of Atlantis on the way down.)

6. What language do they speak in England? (Swahili. Would you like to purchase our "Learn Swahili in 10 Easy Steps" manual?)

7. The water is murky. I did not come to Jamaica to swim in murky water. (As I recall, a Category 4 hurricane just pelted the island and yet you insisted that you had to go. Right?)

8. The hotel would have been fine but all the employees were speaking Spanish. (The next time you are in Mexico, we will order some French-speaking Mexicans for your convenience.)

9. Does the water go all the way around this island? (Not on Tuesdays.)

10. Is Canada still the largest state? (They seem to think so.)

11. Is this a wide-body plane? (Yes.) Good, because my mother has a big butt. (I imagine this was followed by a swift upper cut.)

12. Don't they take American Express? (No, in China they take only French francs, but we still need to get you a visa.)

13. Why do I need to change clothes in Chicago? (Planes, ma'am. Planes. You change planes in Chicago.)

14. Do these stairs go up? (Not this set, sir. The up stairs are on the lower level.)

15. How do they get power to the ship? (Very long extension cords.)

16. Do you know what time the midnight buffet starts? (They are cutting costs, so now it is offered between 4:30 a.m. and 4:35 a.m.)

17. Does it rain in the rain forest? (Does a bear shi ... oh, never mind.)

18. Will the 24-hour café be open if I need to get a bite at 6 a.m.? (Ask the woman in line for the midnight buffet.)

19. Where is the best spot to watch the fireworks in London on the Fourth of July? (Come on, Yank. Just think about this for a nanosecond.)

20. My friend told me about a great hotel in Italy and it begins with a "B." (I know exactly which one it is. Can I have your credit card please?)

21. I am a vegetarian. Do they have vegetables in Kenya? (It is a strange thing in Africa, countries with two vowels in their names are vegetableless. It is just like some dry counties here in the United States.)

22. I am an advanced beginner rider. (Would that be "beginning to be advanced," or "advanced for beginning"?)

23. Please send a quote for a weeklong Costa Rica package with adventure in the jungle. (One helicopter drop coming up.)

24. Do I need a passport to go to Hawaii? (No, just a clue.)

25. If I convert $1,000 to the local currency, how much is it in U.S. dollars? (Sir, the Wharton School is on the line for you. They have an opening.)
_________________
Whatever life throws at you, throw it right back.
Use your uniqueness!

[midnight_jr3]

Some more travel agent quotes:



I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?�

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. “Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.� Her response … click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.�

I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?� I said, “No.� He said “But they look so close on the map.�

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.�

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who’s luggage belongs to who?� I said, “No, why do you ask?� She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?� After putting her on hold for a minute while I “looked into it� (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?� I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.�

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.� I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.�

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.� I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.�

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York� The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?� “Yes, what flights do you have?� replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.� The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!� The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?� “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!�

[WolfMyjic]

HAHAHA!! Those all are too funny. *shakes head*

~Wolfy~
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Happily Pregnant
Wolfy



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